Watch Your Thoughts

Sometimes a post I write is so painful I have to take it down.

It usually takes a few days or a week and things get sorted out and I feel better anyway.

I don’t like to stay in the doldrums too long.

I believe when I dwell on something and have to talk it out loud, as women tend to, it still doesn’t help me. Even when I write about it, it somehow seems to keep that dreary feeling alive. I’m not healed.

I have heard professionals tell us that it is good to write about some event that is bothering us. Just get it out. Otherwise it will fester and turn into some big bad thing within us like anger turning into an ulcer or even cancer.

Remember when you were a teen and seemed to break out at the most stressful times. Just when you didn’t want to see that pimple it would surface and make things worse.

Some say it is healing to release these thoughts and feelings and get them out into the open. I don’t get that. I feel like it is opening a wound or pulling off a scab. What is the point of that? Who wants to relive a bad event?

I have decided to just change the way I think about certain things in the first place. The cycle just repeats itself otherwise, and I feel like I have learned nothing. I continue to see myself as the victim.

To see myself as the one no one loves, the one no one wants to have coffee with, the one that is forgotten about when the family is planning the reunion. The one invitation that gets lost in the mail or replaced by another appointment.

I have always looked at myself as being invisible. I don’t have the loudest voice when all your friends are gathered for a sleepover. I am not the popular girl.

I never had one very best friend but seemed to be the third wheel. I saw everyone as having someone close but never me. Poor me….how sickening is that to even admit or to have another person read about me or for me to write about?

No, I have learned something this week. I am going to change the way I see the world. They, meaning those closest to me in my circle, are not out to get me. They are busy with their lives and it does not revolve around mine, as mine does not revolve around theirs.

I have felt myself a little stronger and happier now that I have overcome that last hurdle, last week. I handled it better than usual. I did not judge or criticize but although disappointed, I went right from that to acceptance.

I decided and said out loud, ” I am sure it wasn’t intentional.”
As if I were speaking to Satan to tell him I would not listen to the lies he wanted to plant in my head. The enemy always wants to paint the picture blackest in our mind. No light can get in.

It helps to remind myself that I am called to “be like Jesus”. I need to start acting like Jesus. How many times was he despised and rejected? “A man of sorrows and familiar with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3)

If I stay in God’s word I will understand God more. I have a lot of time to myself these days and I thank God for that. I talk to him out loud sometimes and just thank and praise him because he is all I really need. What if I ever were in a situation where I had to be alone?

I think of those from the January 6th ordeal in Washington DC, who have been arrested for rioting (as they should be) and are still in jail. They are being treated unfairly with no due process, some in solitary confinement, and haven’t seen their family members for months. This is not unlike Communist China. What has happened to America?

No one knows what the future holds for any of us. I have to fix my eyes on Jesus and he gets me through every waking day. I read his word out loud and it helps to play Christian songs or find a station on the radio where I can listen to a preacher or evangelist.

God is the equalizer. He helps me get back on the right track. Satan would rather keep me there in the muck and mire, dwelling, contemplating, analyzing, trying to figure out my mental state on my own. Write it out then burn the paper. No…that has never fixed it for me.

Only God’s word, God’s thoughts, God’s ways, God’s promises, God’s guidance and laws. God’s love keeps me steady.

If we are in God’s will, his word and our mind is steadfast on him, nothing bad can enter our thoughts. The Holy Spirit gives us understanding.

“..looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Published by cushn4

I like to write for the pure enjoyment of writing short excerpts about life in general. I would want my writing to bring inspiration or encouragement to the faint-hearted or those looking for some direction, purpose, or meaning. I am searching daily for what it is God wants me to do and who he wants me to become. It is growing pains so never be discouraged. We all have something new we can learn and share with others.

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